I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
