6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
