can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
