He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
