lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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