is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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