Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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