Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
