I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
