it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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