is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
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Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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