on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
