God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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