I'll bet she douches with gravy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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