why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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