i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he laminated a picture of his dick.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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