i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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