I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
