she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
