A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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