Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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