can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
