It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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