I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
