She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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