Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
