Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
