I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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