there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Randomize
