The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
