I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
