We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
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