i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
babies were throwing up all over the place
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.