This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.