my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
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This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.