i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.