Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
