Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
