The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
