dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
