Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
