The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
