well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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