My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
