Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
