Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
