Nicole vs. Life
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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