but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
