You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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