when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I currently don't understand fingers.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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