Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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