oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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