You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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