At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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