I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
