wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
