planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
