She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
