that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
