Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
