Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
