sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I enjoy the company of your penis
try to milk me bitch
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
