OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
