I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
