FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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