Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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