I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Boobs speak an international language.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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