i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
