It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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