Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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