friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
