This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
