And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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