i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
