What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
