Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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