I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
we're so committed to being not committed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
