I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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