Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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