What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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