Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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