is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
