So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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