what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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