peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
