so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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