That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
