Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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