there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
