My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
