hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
