Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
