I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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