Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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