I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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